dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
