and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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