I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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