she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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