you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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