Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
