i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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