Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
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