i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
