I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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