So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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