This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
