dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
