its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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