so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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