the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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