My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
