I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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