So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
