ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
