Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
