just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
