Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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