chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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