i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
