i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
