my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
