You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
