If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
