This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
