you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
