Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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