Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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