Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
