How'd it feel making her break her religion?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
