why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
