This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
