when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
