Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
