hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
