i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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