Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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