My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
