Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
kristin has been a bad kristin
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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