i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
