Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
