The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
