How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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