matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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