forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
