tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
